Pea Brain

Who you calling Pea Brain? Well, I'm just saying that sometimes what we perceive isn't really what is. I need to remind myself of that fact now and then. I've been walking around with a heavy heart for several weeks.  Going with the "trust your instincts" gut level aspect of things, it's quite possible that I've not lived up to someone's expectations. Thinking what I'm thinking, even sending out an olive branch, hasn't changed a thing. 

Walk by faith, not by sight and wait on the Lord's timing. Everywhere I turn, that's the message I receive.

If only life were so simple that those words would erase the knot in my stomach and the ache in my heart. How can any of us measure up to the standards of another person? Sometimes it's quite easy to do, there are some people we naturally fall in line with - or in a manner of speaking, are on the same wave length.  Sigh.

It's Saturday morning, and it appears that I am once again being held hostage in my own apartment.  The plan for today WAS to stay in my pj's and relax ... run downstairs periodically and get my laundry done.  The thing is, where I live I have to walk outside to get to the Washer & Dryer.  The landlord happens to be outside cutting the grass.  It aggravates me to no end that I will now have to get dressed in order to accomplish my necessary task.   I've been working, working, working.  I need to do so.  I want to get back in school and I have to find the money to pay for it.  Granted there has been plenty of work to do, and I've been mostly grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to gather enough to accomplish my goal for the next two semesters. 

How that relates to the initial reason for this post is that sometimes it IS about money. Sometimes it is about ACCESS. Sometimes if another bothered to ask, they would understand there are sometimes circumstances that add to what is beneath the surface and not necessarily just what you see. 

"They" say that no good deed goes unpunished. Humn. Maybe that's it?!

Love builds bridges, Pride builds walls.  Time weakens mortar and bricks begin to fall. I'm hoping for a resolution. I'm hoping "it's" all in my mind.

Regardless of what "they" might think, I remain in love.

HI, I'm Mr. Gibbs and I'm a very loveable soul.

Sing Around The Campfire

"You have to believe it to achieve it."

As far back as I can remember, my family spent our summer vacations at my grandparents retreat near Rehoboth Beach, DE. The clam shell semi-circle driveway is barely recognizable, and now there is a double wide where the silver travel trailer once stood.  Gone is the metal roof that covered the screen porch we used to sleep within on those summer nights. However, the memories remain. I call that file cabinet in the attic of my mind, my happy place. 

For years whenever I was having a bad day, or just bored, I would travel back to those carefree days. There was a point in my life when I traveled often to that quiet setting, and recalled the joy that filled my soul when we visited. Probably my favorite part of those by-gone days was the nightly ritual of roasting marshmallows. I still love a good campfire.

I was given a copy of the book, "The Secret" and in the content I recall having read that if we imagine ourselves doing the very thing we believe we should have manifest in our lives, that it will come to be.  I wonder, is that why I was led to Vision Quest Morning Star Youth Academy?

My version is that I was willing to be used, molded and humbled to be and do what my creator needed.  It is true that this setting often reminds me of those days in Angola (DE). 

It never occurred to me that I would come to a place where I would be involved with horses.  Admittedly, I don't have a great deal of interaction with them, but I've acquired a strong appreciation for the therapeutic value they offer to the teens we serve. 

I read somewhere that horses represent family. Each herd has a hierarchy like we humans have. Over the past 2 1/2 years I have met approximately 150 young males, and have watched the change in dynamics at the camp as "the boys" come and go. 

Recently, we have also had a change in horse "personnel."  The change occurred at a time when our organization embraced Sanctuary, a therapeutic model created to reach the core of all individuals (youth and staff), and gain understanding into why our actions/reactions developed.  

Each day when we gather (in meetings, or groups) we identify how we are feeling and what our goal is for that day. The hope is that we can help each other learn what triggers we have, and more specifically, help the teenagers develop better strategies for navigating the obstacles in their lives.

We all face obstacles. We all need direction. I believe that once we decide where we want to go, if we meditate on being in that place, somewhere down the road we'll find ourselves in that place ... even if only for a moment in time.

Be careful what you hope for, you just might get it.  Happy Trails.

Decisions

I know what I think is best for me, the question is just how do I go about moving in that direction? Then along comes a very viable solution, well sort of ... it all sounds really great, but there are some worries that might arise from the ashes. Humn.

I am very much in a state of contemplation and admittedly, there is a touch of real fear. But it's all about trusting God's Master Plan for my life. Is this your will Lord?

That is the real question.

In the biblical sense, sometimes we have to do the very thing that seems to NOT make sense for things to fall into place. The main thing for me is that this decision could potentially provide me with so much healing that I genuinely need and cannot afford. It's a therapeutic setting with great love and wisdom. I am all Jerry McGuire about their mission, and in the end, he pulled it off so perhaps these folks can too. All I can do is leap and hope for the best. If it's meant to be, the door will open wide enough to make room for my defection from my current space and a solution for that space to be properly filled.

It's in your hands Dear Father and Creator to provide the answer.

In My Mind I'm Goin' To Carolina

Over the past few months I spent some time in Greater Charlotte, North Carolina ... tiz how I got this picture. Yeah, only I want to be there NOW!

This is the week of all weeks to be in that zone and the weather is just perfect! I am not a big fan of crowds, but in this case, I want to be just another face in that crowd. Well, to be completely honest being on the outside looking in isn't nearly as much fun as being a part of a team. There is only one inroad to that past life and it would take a mountain mover to make that happen. Regardless, what we think we see and what the reality of any given situation is, aren't always the same. So, maybe there are good reasons why just being a crazed fan is enough. It's just that it's so deep in my blood that I don't even know how to describe the emotion of it from my perspective. I'm way far from the only one who gets overly excited at the prospect of zooming paint schemes, loud phhwwwppp, phhhwwppp, phhhwwwwppp rushing past and then there's just something about the color GREEN!

Go, Go, Go ... that's what I would like to be doing right now ... Get in the car and just GO!
IF ONLY LIFE WERE THAT SIMPLE.